This doesn't have to be a religious post, but I think I will use zen to back me up here.
Don't compare yourself to others (in fact, not only does zen agree with me, but zen also says not to make comparisons in general--e.g., "this is a good opportunity," "this is a bad opportunity"). But we're coming from a linguistic standpoint today.
There are 12 students including myself in my Japanese speaking class. We're all "at the same level," but of course we've all come from different backgrounds. We all have different strengths within being at that same level--some, though they may not speak much in class, understand more than the rest of us, or maybe their kanji level is better, or maybe their writing skills are very strong. It's easy to look at someone else and judge them entirely based on what you see on the surface.
There's this guy, Y, who was our teacher's favorite for a while. He knew the answer to every question, and it really made me feel pretty deflated and unconfident. Particularly, at my American school, I was top of my class and practically the only person who talked. Having others top me was a situation I had to get used to. Yet, it bothered me that Y was always so adept at defining words and so on.
One day, I happened to sit next to Y (we normally sat on opposite ends of the room). And here's what I noticed: he was using his phone to look everything up! Phones/electronic dictionaries are totally allowed in our classroom, but he was doing it so invisibly that I hadn't noticed--and I don't think most others had, either.
The point is that I'd been beating myself up about not measuring up to him, but he was making use of a resource I wasn't. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that he uses his phone, and we all learn in different ways, but because I was creating this juxtaposition of myself with him, I felt like I wasn't good enough because I couldn't do what he could do. That confidence I lost in myself was a total waste!
What we lose when we compare ourselves to others is often due to something that isn't even there. Comparing ourselves is a method our mind has of creating obstacles for us. Conversely, it's a way of inflating ourselves unrealistically--in hindsight, I might not have been as good as I thought at my American university. It's best to feel content simply by our own actions.
Another story less related to language is about my host dad. He has energy that just never seems to disappear. This man is one of the most amazing people I have ever met (for reasons not related to his energy, as well). He runs, at least several miles a day, if not up to 30, he's building a deck in the backyard, sometimes he makes food, he works crazy hours and comes home at midnight gets like five hours of sleep a day, he is the most loving father and husband, and is just an all-around upbeat, level-headed guy. Most of this is simply in his nature, but I did learn today that he is an avid drinker of coffee on the workdays, which does explain some things. Here I was, thinking that I could never be as energetic as him, but it turns out that he does have some help!
As part of the same conversation, he said he was inspired by how quickly I've learned Japanese, and it sounded a bit like he was beating himself up over not being able to learn English more quickly, especially since he's going to a conference in March that he needs to be able to speak English for. But that is a cruel, cruel comparison to draw for oneself. He has two kids and a wife to support, and all these other things going on that I mentioned above in addition to hanging out with friends. It's amazing he even has time for all that he does!
Learning not to compare yourself to others is a great life lesson, and it definitely has strong ties to learning language--you really have to make the journey your own. I hope you can take this with you and use it to raise you up instead of cut you down!
No comments:
Post a Comment